Writin' - Guilt, and a Re-Blog from Austin: Notes on a Novel

As a writer I am wracked by guilt.  I feel guilty if I am not working on one of my latest manuscripts. I feel guilty if I am working on one of my latest manuscripts and there are other things that need to be done: dishes, mending, taxes, knitting, practicing, did I tell you I got new snowshoes! cleaning, organizing, playing with the cats, exercising, finishing that necklace hanger, dating (or the lack thereof) and the ultimate distraction: need more coffee.

The problem is for me guilt is not a motivator.  I think the root of the issue is that I have wide interests and love to work on a wide variety of things. Unfortunately that leads to taking a long time to finish a project.  I do finish, eventually, but only after I have finished lots of other projects that have been hanging around for even longer.

Fortunately, although I still suffer from perpetual monkey brain, I discovered a book several years ago that greatly helped me in learning to better focus my energy.  Strangely, I loan this book out frequently and ALWAYS get it back.  Not because I follow up with the loanee, but because everyone I have ever loaned it too brings it back and says, "I really needed this book and decided to buy a copy for myself."

The book is The Renaissance Soul by Margaret Lobenstine and yes, you will want it in hardcover.  I first got this book from the library when I was preparing for a workshop on job hunting for a library conference.   Librarians tend to be Renaissance Souls.  After reading the first chapter I went and bought a copy of my own.  (Interestingly, the library copy kept getting stolen and we had to buy several new ones.)

I have read so many books claiming to help those of us with diverse interest focus and organize our lives.  Unfortunately they are usually written by linear thinkers that just don't get someone with a brain like mine.

Margaret Lobenstine thinks like I do, and provides beautiful and fluidly effective tools for focusing energy and actually completing tasks.  She is one of those I can thank for helping me develop the skills to progress in my writing and other work.

Wow, who knew that my commentary on a past post would lead to the above.  I just meant to follow up on the note below where I commented on guilt and writing.

Notes on a Novel: Take I (originally posted November 25, 2008)

I am living the life of two people, maybe more. Everywhere I go in Austin I am experiencing it as myself and as the characters I am writing about. It's a little distracting. The other night at my neighbors I left in the middle of a conversation and ran over to get my notebook because a friend had just delivered a line that would be perfect for a certain scene in the book.

Normally noisy, I now have to constantly listen to the way people talk. I watch the way they stand, what they wear, what they look like. I pay attention to the dates on certain buildings, visit guitar shops and draw up plans for imaginary stores and homes. Sometimes the lines blur. I'm surprised that I haven't walked into a wall or a signpost or something.

I ask strange questions and get a few even stranger answers. I also get asked questions myself, usually starting with the word "how." Such as, "How do you write a novel?" My cryptic answer, "Well, I walk around a lot." And the ever popular, "How do I get published?" This is usually asked by someone who has never actually written anything and has no intention of writing anything unless they are assured they will get published. I usually recommend a few books on writing and leave it at that.

I have taken up improv as a hobby just to turn off that part of my brain for at least a couple of hours a week.

Of course it's hard to complain when you have the ultimate excuse of "research" to go to clubs and jams and parades and so on. I'm wondering if I can write cover charges and bar tabs off as expenses.

And then there is the guilt. My brain chides me for any moment not spent writing, researching or at least thinking about what I am writing. I am always aware of my current page count and how much farther it is to my next goal (and how quickly I am running out of money). That guilt spills over into other things as I realize that my fingernails are getting long, a sure sign that I have not played the guitar in a while. Sheesh.